Laughing with Chuck Norris

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed living.

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right 

legs.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Delta Force marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.